"...I'm a seafood platter! Mhmmm, and apparently one possessed of a highly advanced intellect..."
Well, isn't this a strange predicament? As you can see, standing right in front of you is... in the most simple terms, a gigantic telekinetic space crab... a gigantic, British telekinetic space crab. This sounds like something that would be implausible at best, but I used to be a human being, and a female human at that. This is a story of the past, told by the main centerpiece himself! Or... herself, back then. I used to not be as sophisticated or intelligent as I am now, and despite how perplexing my structure is to a human's normal comprehension, I feel absolutely incredible in mind, body, and... power. Since you didn't react with immediate hysteria upon seeing me, I shall monologue to you about how I ended up in this hard-shelled, hyper-intellectual form. Here, relax, and have a nice drink with me.
For a rather blunt beginning, I will introduce who I used to